Why “Smart” Men Still Hold On To Sexism – 5 explanations

I might be the only person not impressed by "the sexist but charming" Christopher Hitchens.
I might be the only person not impressed by “the sexist but charming” Christopher Hitchens.

“Why are smart men still sexist?” The question itself is a bad one. Why do we presume smarter people possess better ethics? Well, it is because we are ableist. Ableism is the systematic maltreatment and disenfranchisement of people with disabilities. One’s moral code has much to do with their socialization and their integrity, and little to do with their intellectual capacity. You and I could be brilliant and evil, or we could be not-so-brilliant and kind hearted. Nonetheless, societal attitudes teach us to possess contempt for intellectually disabled persons. So much so that we presume those with high intellectual capacities to be superior.

If a man reinforces the societal idea that women are inferior to men in anyway, we should refrain from attacking his intellect and aptly scrutinize his moral code. Men are sexist, not because they are intellectually unable to understand why gender should not be a basis of social hierarchies but rather for psychological, sociological, and individual selfish reasons. This post discusses 5 of the many reasons that many smart, educated, men continue to reinforce men’s assigned superior social position at the expense of women. Continue reading

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Why Abusive Men Falsely Believe They’re “Good Guys”: Chivalry’s Distortion of Morality

casual-black-guy-with-thumbs-up_15838825There are many ways people pretend to be ethical. A popular way is to focus on religious identities while ignoring the substantive ways in which religious people treat others. As previously discussed, hyper-religious, post-colonial spaces like Ghana pay closer attention to whether people call themselves “Christian” or “Muslim” than to whether people treat other people with respect and dignity regardless of sexual orientation, gender, or race/ethnicity. Another way our society distorts morality  is through chivalry. Chivalry, especially in a romantic context, is a set of gendered performative actions that men take in relation to women. Examples include holding the door open for women, or bringing women flowers or some gift as a token of love. Supporters of chivalry claim that the essence of chivalry is about being kind to women, yet supporters of chivalry cannot explain why this type of “kindness” has such rigid gendered rules and barriers.

Meaning, if chivalry is about kindness why do men sometimes refuse to walk through doors that women hold open? If chivalry is about kindness why do men not engage in this kind behavior with other men? Why not pull out your homie’s chair when you both go out to dinner? Adɛn, you don’t want to be kind to your homie?

This post has one goal: to discuss how teaching men and women to view chivalry as indicative of good behavior distorts morality. Continue reading

Stand Up For Yourself Girl, Men of Quality Support Gender Equality Anyway

Alif Laam Meem MuslimFraternity
Alif Laam Meem Muslim Fraternity

Let no man convince you that you will only be deserving of love after you have stifled your soul to cower under his big boot.  I mean this sincerely and earnestly when I say: you are beyond foolish if you sacrifice self-sufficient, dignified personhood for a dictator you will also call a husband. Many Ghanaian women, especially heterosexual women, are so afraid of being unmarried that they’re willing to trade in dignity for partnership. It is a major reason why women are anti-feminist: the fear that it will destroy their dating lives and their prospects of marriage. I cannot say that I blame them, after all marriage is so emphasized for women that unmarried women are treated as worthless. Even though women should not seek men’s validation, it is a widely circulated myth that women who become feminists are shunned collectively by men. Sure,  gutter niggas sexist men find feminist women to be repulsive, but quality men dey. If a man is anti-gender equality, why would you want to partner up with him anyway? Why would anyone want to be with someone who does not understand that women are equal in dignity, social standing, intellectual capacities, value etc.?

It seems to me that what Ghanaian women desire is love. However, inherent within any loving relationship – that is worth keeping – is respect. Deep respect. Deep respect and love, cannot co-exist with sexist and domineering attitudes. Sexist and domineering attitudes are not reflective of quality men. We all deserve quality partners; the kinds who resist injustice and stand in defense of our personhood by supporting systematic gender equality, also known as Feminism. Continue reading

For Colored Girls Who Depended on Women Feminists When Men Feminists Were Grossly Inadequate

 

pac
Sometimes women deserve respect
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Sometimes they don’t. As a man, you have the luxury to choose if women get to be worthy of respect today.

I write this essay absolutely heart broken. I am at my wits’ end. The power of socialization defeats me. And I reluctantly recognize, that only women will want women’s freedom as badly as a person suffocating needs to take a breath. At the end of the day, the destructive power of sexism is merely an intellectual exercise for men. For men, it is witnessing someone else’s mistreatment and deciding whether to ignore, support or undermine it. For women, it is waking up everyday to live in a world where you are presumed to be less. Less rational, less equal, less emotionally stable, less economically viable, (have) less political power, less social standing, less brilliance, less respect, less pay, (be) less capable, less strong, less sexual, less less less. And those few men who claim to have made a commitment to re-orient the world, so women fail to be treated as less, are unfortunately less than inspiring. Nonetheless, the fight for equitable societal conditions moves on, as I write this essay to detail 6 habits that leave me clinging to my sisters for support.  Continue reading

Using Men As A Financial Plan Is Justified In A Sexist Society

A picture of rapper M.anifest
A picture of rapper M.anifest / Disclaimer: I am NOT calling Manifest sexist or accusing him of holding these views. Credit: https://instagram.com/p/3Jzx29w3cU/?taken-by=manifestive

The only time that sexist men care about the systematic disenfranchisement of women as a function of gender, is when they are negatively affected. I have to clarify, that while pictured, I am not calling M.anifest sexist. I have to clarify because the fragility of masculinity will have men crying, defending their reputation as “good guys” over addressing the institutionalized political, economic, and social marginalization of women in Ghana. Back to my post: repeatedly, I hear men whine over having to economically provide, without addressing why such gender roles exist: patriarchy. It is the root of a social system that divests in women’s education, denies women equitable access to jobs, and disseminates widespread ideas that indoctrinate woman to believe  that heterosexual marriage will be their greatest achievement. Essentially, in a patriarchal society where women are reduced to men’s domestic helpers, where women are confined to the home and expected to labor in that space, where women’s economic power is continually dismantled with rampant discrimination, using men as financial mobility becomes a learned means of survival. It is patriarchy, that seeks to reinforce a social order where men dominate women by granting men economic power, and leaving women as dependent on men for survival. Thus, men (and all persons) displeased with the normative ideas that require men to care for women financially, should seek to take apart patriarchal economic distribution, or shut the fuck up  rather than resent women and complain.  Continue reading

Rape By Another Name: Coercive Sex In Ghanaian Society

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In civil and criminal law, we call this false imprisonment. In everyday world we call this predatory scum behavior.

When you live in a society that teaches men that their sexual satisfaction is more important that women’s well-being, sexual coercion becomes normalized. As the picture indicates, many men in Ghanaian society are comfortable engaging in dirty tactics that seek to break women’s will, rather than create a safe, secure, and comfortable setting for consensual sexual activity to occur. The result of which is the gender based sexual double standard. While seemingly harmless, sexually repressed double standards for men and women create a toxic climate conducive to women’s exploitation. Continue reading